Farkitrol® - It can help™ with Missing White Girl Syndrome.

Treatment with Farkitrol®

Farkitrol®
for Missing White Girl Syndrome

Farkitrol®
for Beach Depression / Shark Mania (BDSM)

Farkitrol®
for Dangerous Playgrounditis (DP)

Farkitrol®
for Mediastatial Germaphobia

Genetics does NOT determine the importance of a missing person, you bastards.

Farkitrol® for Missing White Girl Syndrome

She was the leader of her knitting club, a mother of three, and loved her dog Scooter. She led the bake sale at the church and regularly volunteered at the food kitchen down on 9th. And no one cares. Why?

Because she's black.

Or latino. Or chinese. Or maybe she's a he. Nevertheless, she or he is gone, and they ain't getting airplay, because they're not white, young and pretty. I suppose that means that this person meant far less to society than the skanky party-whore who went to Aruba to get some Caribbean coitus and ended up stuffed in the trunk of a Yugo.

Clinical studies have shown that subjects treated with Farkitrol® really don't care when anyone that isn't related to them goes missing. But, the same studies showed that people who haven't been treated with Farkitrol® don't care either... They just haven't yet realized that they can change the channel or hit the internet to find actual news somewhere else. But you can - and Farkitrol® can show you how.

This Web site is intended to help you understand how using Farkitrol® can help you see that you don't have to pretend you care about some person you never met who just went missing just because some local news editor decided to repeat the same information ad nauseum. However, it's up to you if you want to end the cycle of non-news nonsense and actually go inform yourself on the real news of today.

Copyright © 2007 UFIA Industrial Pharma. All rights reserved. This site is intended for use by United States residents only. For more information about media hysteria and other forms of oversensationalistic information consumption, contact your doctor or other healthcare professional. Or, maybe read a book, like this one.Farkitrol® is a registered trademark of UFIA Industrial Pharma. GC 8008135

About Farkitrol®

Farkitrol® was created as a treatment for Media Dischordia combined with Media Sterilitus - a deadly combination of scattered and boring facts which atrophys the brain and causes dependency on sub-standard channels for information nutrition.

When combined with common sense and basic human awareness, Farkitrol® can greatly decrease the reliance on the only three sources available in the Mainstream Media for predigested, highly editorialized, commercial "news" and allows for a broader understanding of why certain information seems to show up again and again in the Mainstream Media. Farkitrol® may be habit forming. Ask your doctor or the guys in your company's IT department about the potential side effects of Farkitrol®, such as snarkiness, immediate detection of bullshit, and the inability to see the "news" reported on mainstream news networks as anything other than what it is - commercially viable infotainment broadcast exclusively for the purpose of keeping your attention long enough to advertise products at you.

There have been rare reports of serious kidney or bladder discomfort with Farkitrol® treatment, usually caused by a combination of not being able to stop taking Farkitrol® with explosive boughts of laughter and / or anger. If you think you are pregnant, are planning to be pregnant (yeah right, you'll never get him to fall for that one) or are nursing, please tell your immediate family, as they may pitch in for some presents and free Huggies for your spawn. Farkitrol® may harm your children, causing them to see the world as it really is.

Do combine Farkitrol® with liberal doses of alchohol (as the creators intended you to do). There is a risk of side effects associated with Farkitrol® therapy. The most common side effects are low blood cell counts (red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets); hair loss; tiredness; stomach upset, including nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea; rash; shortness of breath; muscle aches; and numbness or tingling in your toes or fingers, loose stool, ulcers, itchy or numb buttocks, a mild cramping of the left calf muscle, . These are not all of the side effects of Farkitrol®. Actually, we're just fucking with you, these aren't side effects of Farkitrol® at all - they're just fun to type. If you have any side effect that bothers you or that doesn't go away, please don't email us, because we just don't care. Besides, you'll get over it.

For more information about Farkitrol®, call 1-800-UFIA-FAQ. We have no idea who will answer (if anyone). We also don't know what they'll say. This isn't our phone number. But be sure to call it and tell them about Farkitrol® anyway.